Basketball was never just a sport to me growing up. It was my lifestyle. I’d go everywhere with a ball; to the court, school, bed, and even the doctor’s office (not kidding I did once).
For me, it was a way out, or in other words, it was therapeutic. I always ran away from my problems growing up, but I’d always end up at a court. The only time I ever felt happy was with a ball in my hand. The number of hours I put in every day, long walks and bike rides, to get to the court with the most competition was the main goal.
I would play against anyone of any age, and if they were better than me, I wanted to compete against them at the highest level possible. For me, it wasn’t the easiest playing because guys wouldn’t let me play because I was 6-7 years old trying to run with 17+ guys. When I didn’t get to play I sat there for hours watching pick-up basketball, but when I got the chance to play I had no fear. I had nothing to lose.
Playing organized basketball was the start and end to my career. It made me as a player and also put me in a dark place that took me years to get out of.
From grades 4-10 it was great, and I was seeing results rather quick at a young age. I played travel league, AAU, and eventually went on to play high school ball. Throughout those years I never saw the bench nor did I ever have to worry about being cut from the team. I was better than most guys my age, and the future was bright. The first two years of high school were going the way I wanted. My goal of bringing my game to the next level was getting even brighter for me.
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t the greatest player on the court, but I was the hardest worker. No one was working harder than me, and I made sure of it. Then, came my Junior year.
Junior year was the toughest year for me as a teenager for multiple reasons, and I needed to get that spot on the Varsity squad. I went to camp after camp perfecting my craft, never slept that summer because I was always on the court. I always asked a lot of questions, encouraged people to criticize my game, and became a sponge for learning more of the game. Basketball was literally my whole life, and I’ve never known anything outside of that growing up.
When you put your heart and soul into something you expect results, and you’ll do anything and everything until you achieve those results. For this next chapter in my life, there was good and bad news.
Good News: I made Varsity in my junior year.
Bad News: I saw the court maybe two minutes if I was lucky, and if we were down by 20 or up by 20, and most nights I never got into the game.
To this day, I’ll never understand why I never saw the court. I went up to my coach every day after practice asking what I could do to see the floor more, and I would get the same response every time I asked: “do something that differs you from everyone else.” During the season I’d be in the gym lifting. After school, I’d hit the court and work on my game and show up to the gym two and half hours early before the game to get reps up. I did everything a player could possibly do to prove to his coach that he deserved to be on that court.
There would be days where I started to blame myself, and for the first time in my life, I felt that basketball wasn’t the sport for me. Instead of quitting the team Junior year, I used it as motivation for my Senior year. I dreamed of this year because I knew my coach would need me on that court. He would have no choice but to put me in. It’s kind of sad to think about now because I was so desperate at this stage in my life that I’d do anything just to play.
For the first half of the season, it was great. I finally became a starter. That lasted three games before he found someone else to take my spot. One game, I can remember bringing a pillow to the bench because I knew I wasn’t going to touch the floor. I literally laid down on the bench in front of my coach, and he didn’t even realize. Once again, I stuck it out for the season because the team meant more to me than myself and, being Captain, I wasn’t about to give up on my team.
Now came time for college, and I walked into my coach’s office. I asked him if I could have some tape to show the coach at Lasell. I thought I had a few highlights from the two seasons I played under him. He proceeded to tell me that his computer broke, and I was out of luck. I walked out of his office that day, and that was the last time I had spoke to him. It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and that the opportunity of getting to play college ball had slipped away. I remember that day so vividly because I fell to my knees in the parking lot crying. All the hard work, sleepless nights, the hours, the walks were all for nothing. Being 19 with no sense of direction in life was the most difficult thing to go through at that point in time. I felt lost, scared, and I felt like I had no one to turn to.
Moving forward it wasn’t the same since that day. I didn’t want to go outside and play ball, and my anxiety isolated me from everything. I became consumed in my negative thoughts. It was a barrier that I couldn’t overcome. Beginning, freshman year of college I was excited for the change of scenery, but I didn’t know what I wanted to study. The thought of not playing basketball scared me. For 19 years, I never had the winter off, and come September, I went out for the team because I felt like I needed to give it one last shot. preseason went great, and I felt like I had a strong showing at tryouts. I was hitting jump-shots consistently, talking on the defensive end, and hustling on both sides of the ball.
For the first time in my life, I was cut from a basketball team, and it didn’t sit well with me. These exact words from the college coach that day: “you have a great jump shot, but you could be a little faster, and quicker on your feet. Also, could be a few pounds lighter too.”
This is something I never had the courage to share with anyone, and I’ve been asked by a lot of people why I gave up on the only thing that made me happy. For me, it was when I put my full trust into a coach who never cared about me or gave me the opportunity to play. All I ever wanted in life was an opportunity to show people what I was capable of, and when I went to try outs in college I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t in the mindset I was in the year prior, and I had become burnt out of trying to be successful because it felt like it was impossible to get there.
I’ve always told myself that I wanted to be around basketball in any way I can. Writing was a way I could fully express myself and let people know what I’m capable of. For me, being with PerSources is a blessing, and I don’t take any day for granted. Tony saw something in me that no one else did, and he’s believed in me ever since.
I also started to get into coaching, and it’s been a blast. We even won a handful of championships as well. Any chance I get to give a kid the opportunity that I didn’t get is something that’s driving me everyday.
To my followers and supporters, I appreciate all of you tremendously and thank you for allowing me to have a voice in the basketball world.
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