. I find myself reflecting often lately; reflecting with a purpose. Every morning begins with working the past out of my mind, followed with gratitude for the present and future. Life is a balance of celebrations and adversity, each paired with their own lessons respectively.
While there is much I wish I could tell my younger self, I turned out okay. I am very proud of the man I am today. Adversity challenged me, but never broke me.
Navigating adversity could have been easier if I had the wisdom I possess today. I offer this article of advice for young men in hopes of helping them navigate their own adversity, with perspective from the eyes of a 29 year old.
I’ve written this article hundreds of times in my head. I care about the Per Sources community. I consider you all little brothers. I hope at least one of you benefits from reading this.
“I’m reflective only in the sense that I learn to move forward. I reflect with a purpose.”
Kobe Bryant
I. My advice for young men starts in your teen years.
Try to understand what actually matters, and what doesn’t matter.
One of my greatest sources of pain was having priorities set for me by everyone but myself. I had a horrendous GPA and was rejected by almost a dozen “easy to get into” colleges. Each rejection later drove me deeper and deeper into a self loathing cycle that took me years to climb out of.
I thought I was a failure.
Things like “where I worked” and “where I went to college” mattered to me way more than they should have.
My first semester at community college, I had a 3.9 GPA. Sometimes, you need a new environment to flourish.
Previous repetitive failure in does not define you.
Your priorities are going to change a lot as you finish high school. Never lose sight of the one thing that matters.
The only thing that matters, and will continue to matter, is you. Focus on what matters.
My second piece of advice for young men starts with your focus.
Focusing on yourself is something many people do not truly begin until they’re in their late 20s. If you can begin to do so in your teen years, you’ll set yourself up for the future.
What does working on yourself mean?
Creating and sticking to a routine that benefits you.
Get up early, hit the gym, and eat something healthy. Take a shower, dress nice, and be ready to fire on all cylinders while other people are still yawning.
It doesn’t matter how nice of a person you are, I promise you being selfish is okay. Focus on yourself.
Understand the value of incremental success.
Struggling, despite working hard, does not mean you are a failure. You’re probably swinging for too many homeruns.
My life started to quickly turn for the better once I understand the value of completing one small task at a time.
Problems can feel overwhelming. Tackle them one at a time.
Shout out to my good friend J for teaching me “1% better everyday is 100% better after 100 days.”
Incremental success adds up.
II. My next set of advice focuses on your late teen years/early 20s.
A college degree isn’t everything, nor is it your only option.
The community college to state university route worked for me. However, looking back, I wish I didn’t stress about it as much as I did. You don’t need a degree to be successful. I’d argue that the people you meet in college, the connections you make, are what you’re really paying for. They’re worth more than the degree.
The friends and connections I made in college were worth every penny I paid.
What to do after college?
Learn.
What to do in your mid 20s?
Learn.
What to do in your late 20s?
Learn.
Learning and exposing yourself to as many things are possible will accelerate your growth process. It will also help you find what you’re really passionate about; not what your parents convinced you you’re passionate about.
You become you surround yourself with.
With each stage of young adult hood, you’ll repeatedly learn how vast and wide the world really is. You’re going to make new friends and meet people that align with your path closer than your childhood friends may have.
You cannot forever pull the weight of other people’s baggage. You need to travel a path with people who are heading in the same direction. They’ll push you you towards where you want to go, perhaps even further.
Avoid sketchy situations.
Many young men find themselves in trouble, not because they actually committed a crime or did anything wrong, but because they were in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Avoid those situations at all costs.
Take calculated risks.
Taking risks can either propel your growth process, or hinder it entirely. An example of a calculated risk is starting a business that you’ve been thinking about for a while. Do not hesitate. Do it.
Drinking and driving, speeding, accumulating reckless debt, and playing with the stock market without a strong understanding of it are examples of risks you do not want to take.
III. Your economics.
Try your best to not accumulate credit card debt. If you do, do whatever it takes to make your monthly payments at bare minimum. It takes years to repair a destroyed credit score.
Interest accumulated from credit card debt accumulates faster than your invested crypto & stocks’ profits.
Don’t be wasteful with your money. Your band aid fixes like buying all your friends drinks at the bar won’t fix the depression in your heart.
Try not to buy things that depreciate in value. Only people that can’t afford a car want a new car. When you can actually afford a Mercedes Benz, you’ll appreciate your beater more than ever.
Create a budget and stick to it.
Investing in yourself will always be the wisest investment.
IV. Relationships and women
Sex is easy. Yes, your dick is big to do the deed with. You will last long enough. You’ll figure it out. Sex is the easy part. (please practice safe sex).
Finding a partner that you actually have a connection with is the hard part. You’ll have partners that are fun. You’ll have partners that are wild in bed. You’ll have partners that bore you. You’ll have partners that hold you back. If you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone that makes you want to be a better person.
Don’t settle, put yourself out there, and you’ll meet all sorts of women.
Eventually, when you find something that is good to you, don’t ruin it.
Relationships require work, but they should feel right.
If you have a hero complex, get rid of it. Don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved.
Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Do not take it from your parents, friends, bosses, or especially your partners.
Ex’s.
Never take an ex back.
Being friends with your ex is pointless.
Block her on everything.
Move on.
Never be an option.
If you’re a nice guy, women will often friendzone you. Some may even keep you on the leash in case their multiple prospects fall through.
If you feel like an option, you probably are one. Stop lying to yourself and face it head on.
You have plenty of friends, you don’t need her friendship.
Don’t be an option or a backup plan.
Never fix a heart you didn’t break.
Don’t settle down because it’s the “right thing to do”.
Your values, desires, and taste in women will all evolve as you get older. While some partners are able to grow together, many others often break up or get a divorce way later than they should have.
There are plenty of single women out there. You will not die alone. Do not settle down because it’s the right thing to do, or because your friends are all doing it.
Enjoy being single. It’s awesome.
V. Politics
I have liberal, and conservative friends. What I do not have are friends who are incapable of having a civil discussion. If someone is too extreme with their beliefs, in politics or anything else, avoid those people.
Keep an open mind.
VI. Mental health.
Unfortunately for men, there is a stigma around mental health. I need you to understand that protecting and working on your mental health will not only lead to you living a happier life, but also contribute to your relationship and career success.
Figure out what’s draining your energy and get rid of it. Surround yourself with things that make you happy. Understand and prioritize your mental health.
Most important, seek professional help when you need it.
p.s: The gym is not therapy. Video games are not therapy. Therapy is therapy.
VII. Physical health.
Putting off addressing your physical health is never a good idea. If I had seen a doctor sooner when I suspected I had cancer, I may have not needed chemotherapy.
Eat healthy. Get in shape. Have a healthy relationship with food. Have a healthy relationship with the gym.
VIII. Tough times will pass.
The old cliché remains true, “Tough times don’t last, tough people do”.
Battling cancer at 28 felt like a nightmare at the time. Losing my father broke my heart. I tear up every day thinking about him.
I promise you, it gets easier. You’ll draw on the lessons learned from pain. Your newfound prospective will enlighten you and improve who you are as a man, if you let it.
IX. Don’t get left behind.
Complacency and excessive partying, while your friends are working hard, will leave you in the dust. Often, I see men come to this realization in their late 20s. Unfortunately, most enter a depression as they’re uncertain how they’re going to catch up.
Work hard. Party harder. Work even harder the next day.
X. Man up.
We are living in a society that condemns the phrase “man up” and often references “toxic masculinity”.
Don’t listen to those people. Listen to yourself.
Only you know what’s inside your heart, what your dreams and desires are. Who are they to doubt you? Who are they to tell you you cannot pursue your destiny?
Have faith in yourself. Love yourself. Talk to yourself in the mirror every morning if that is what it takes to get you to believe in yourself. Do whatever it takes.
Remind yourself what being a man really means. Be honest. Have courage in your convictions. Rise up to every situation. Do the right thing, always. Protect and provide for your family. Build something meaningful. Be a good person. Be kind. Lead by example.
It’s okay to be a man. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Man up.
“How can I sleep when they’re sleeping on us?”
The Great TPR
Summarizing my best life lessons in a paragraph.
It’s still very weird to me when people call me successful. It’s still baffling when men my own age say they look up to me. I’ve failed repeatedly. I’ve failed more than anyone I know.
However, I got back up every time. I never gave up. I will never give up.
“You can fail thousands of times. However, no one can call you a ‘failure’ if you keep trying. You can’t be a failure if you don’t give up.”
The Great TPR
Being successful is easy. Relationships are easy. Making money is easy. Saving money is easy. Taking care of your mental and physical health is easy.
Believing in yourself is hard.
Believe in yourself, you’ll find everything else in life to be easy.
Talk less. Listen more.
I hope my advice for young men helps at least one young man out there.
I promise, you’re going to be okay.
Questions? Tweet me @tprx11.
Feel free to DM me on Instagram for access to our discord server.
Bonus: If you are older and you’re reading this, I have a bonus piece of advice for you. Young people are not “dumb”. Always remind yourself that your “perspective” is different than theirs because it should be. Be patient with them. Sometimes, we can help them. Sometimes, they need to find out what we already know for themselves.
Per Sources Misses Nothing.