Have you ever stubbed your toe on the frame of your bed so badly it felt as if you would need a full leg amputation? Yeah? Well, I’d do that every day for a year if it meant the Sacramento Kings would be good again. Here’s a list of several bizarre things I’d do for my favorite basketball team to be relevant next season, followed by an update on the team prior to the 2018-2019 NBA season.
-I would take a scooter to the ankle if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I’d belly-flop off a three-story building if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I ate a worm in fourth grade to impress my class (????) and would be more than happy to do it again if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I would jump up into a ceiling fan on full-speed if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I’d ask my boss for the opposite of a raise if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I would step in the ring with Floyd Mayweather blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I would skinny dip in lava if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I’d play real-life Frogger on an LA freeway if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I would let Nate Diaz slap my sunburn if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I would shower in ice water for a month if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I’d slide my tongue up a cracked phone screen if it meant the Kings would be good again.
-I would tightrope over a pool of leaches if it meant the Kings would be good again.
One thing I WOULDN’T be doing if the Kings were good would be writing this article. As the season approaches, and I clear my schedule in an attempt to make it to each of the 41 home games this year, one can only hope that improvements are made. With such a young team you can’t expect a ring, or a finals appearance, or a conference finals appearance, or a second-round appearance, and unfortunately, probably not even a playoff spot. Which isn’t something Sacramento’s fanbase should be all that upset about given the fact that the team was nowhere near any of those things at the end of their previous season.
Since the last time I wrote about the Kings, the team dumped two veterans who were clearly huge positive influences on the younger players in the locker room. Goodbye to Vince Carter and Garrett Temple. Players have made comments about how good it was to have such experienced vets around them as they attempt to make names for themselves through their first couple years in the best basketball league on the planet.
On the flip side, comments from both these veterans regarding the potential of the youth of the franchise is something to take into account. The drive and work ethic of Harry Giles has been brought up numerous times, leaving fans ambitiously waiting to see how high his ceiling will reach. With last years young men bulking up and gaining some muscle, there’s nowhere else to go but up. Willie Cauley-Stein will be on the last year of his contract meaning he’ll be forced to play better than he ever has before if he wants to make good money next year.
Two newer signings during the off season were Nemanja Bjelica and Yogi Ferrell. Bjelica, who played with the Timberwolves for the last three seasons, has played overseas for the majority of his professional career. Last year, he had career bests in almost every stat category and will only look to keep improving as he begins his new life in the capital of California. He’ll give Skal Labissiere a challenge for playing time at the forward position.
Ferrell, on his way over from Dallas after averaging just over 10 points per game, will look to be a solid backup for De’Aaron Fox, as he tries to run the offense coming off the bench. He and Frank Mason will battle for the second PG spot, as Fox seems to have proven himself as a worthy starter. Not saying he’s the next Ray Allen or Steph Curry, but Yogi’s three-point shooting percentage was better than John Wall’s and James Harden’s last year. This is a positive sign and should help the sharpshooting Buddy Hield boost the team’s threat from beyond the arc.
Haters will say the Kings will be worse than they were last year. Granted, a hater’s job is to hate. However, the young men acquired over the last couple of years only boost our desires for a brighter future. The Kings only won 27 games last year, which is the lowest number in the W column for Sacramento since the 2011-2012 season.
I understand a handful of years may pass before I see myself in a seat at a playoff game in Golden 1 Center, so my expectations are low enough that any amount of wins exceeding 27 will make me a happy camper. It would mean a step in the right direction for a team that hasn’t competed in a playoff game for a dozen years. Sacramento’s fans are eagerly waiting for the day where the team can avenge the deplorable catastrophe of the 2002 Western Conference Finals against our southern rivals in Los Angeles. Tragically, the Kings are sole holders of the longest playoff drought in the NBA today. Which means the things I’d do for my favorite franchise to be good again are only getting more extreme.
WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY NEXT IS TOP SECRET AND IS NOT TO BE SHARED WITH ANYONE
The one and ONLY positive thing about the not-so-good Sacramento Kings is that the games don’t sell out. I’m not talking about a couple of empty seats here and there. I’m talking about rows of vacant seats all over the arena. Which allows bums like me to finesse our way down to the lower sections and take fantastic close-up photos of GOATs like this:
The trick to this is simply and casually walking by the person who guards the row, making sure you look like you belong there. Beer in one hand, phone up to your ear in the other hand (even if you aren’t actually talking to anyone), and looking like you can’t be bothered. A simple nod toward the employee who rarely even does their job anyways is enough to get you through.
You may need to spend a quarter of the game up in the nosebleeds scoping out potential seats before attempting to weasel your way down into the front rows, but eventually, you’ll find yourself feet away from some of the league’s biggest stars. My success rate with this is much higher than I ever thought it would be, so give it a try if the team you root for is currently atrocious because you’ll enjoy it no matter how bad the blowout is.